Did you realize I spent my early teens playing flash games? I’d frequent Newgrounds, spam the forums with worthless opinions (racking up a post count north of 20k), then utilize the flash films/games as the icing in the teenage-annoyance cake. When the editor pushed #1 Diep.io – #1 Play Diep.io Game Online if you ask me, I had been suspicious.
At first, I was thinking to question: “How did you know I used to play flash games on Newgrounds?”, but thought he’d suspect something. Not only, if I was wrong, would he start carefully and systematically comparing Newgrounds general posts with my general awkward demeanor to trace down younger me but, should i was right, he know I had been to the bastard. Then a editor would foil my well being plans by occasionally whispering inside my ear: “hey, keep this in mind gem of the Newgrounds general post…”, thus bit-by-bit destroying what little self-esteem I have got left.
Like other narratives, I had been asked who’s tale it was actually. So, one splash of water about the face later, I realized it wasn’t a philosophical question of free-will but alternatively just asking me my name. Although, noticing this became an online multiplayer title, I thought I’d hide how I’d be examining this game by using a critical eye as an element of my job. So off I went. The tale of “NotAJournalist” had begun.
Naturally, similar to most free-to-play PvP titles, Diep.io starts with a whisper. You are a runt, the foot of a pile, in a bad world trying to shoot you at the back of the head. Or even a small, circular tank floating amongst other shapes along with other tanks. Therefore I did the obvious thing: I blew with the squares, triangles and pentagons that hung out passively while dodging every one of the circle with names upon them. Yes, the aesthetic could be recreated with MS Paint and the one thing that may be missing is Comic Sans.
Each level offered me choosing upgrade: Regen, health, bullet damage, bullet speed, rate of fire, bullet penetration, body damage (collision damage), and movement speed. Something that became immediately obvious was that when I planned to have more than a young child inside a paddling pool of concentrated hydrochloric acid, then I would need to pick regen at some time. Without them, I would be worn down over time like said child from before.
Eventually, I leveled past the “spitball-n-straw” stage and was asked should i wanted a machine-gun, a sniper rifle, a dual-barrel assault rifle, or in order to shoot forwards and backwards while spinning madly such as a ballistic hedgehog. Since I’m the kind of simpleton to experience as Soldier 57 on Overwatch, away from fear of confusion otherwise, I went together with the assault rifle option on my tank.
In the end, like the majority of things, my time with Diep.io stumbled on a conclusion once i began picking fights along with other players. Despite the greatest damage output I really could muster, the most speed, a big regen pool, plus more health than I knew how to deal with, other players were quickly capable to put me in my place. I’d be chipping away at their cathedral of health with my toothbrush shiv and they’d just sweep me aside by having an almighty paw without noticing I ever existed.